you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
