He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
