i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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