We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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