I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Liz is crying about burritos again.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Randomize
