woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
