I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I supernannyed him into submission
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
