The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
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How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
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Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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