bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
