maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
