like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
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I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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