bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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