if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
