We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
