I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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