I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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