I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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