I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
