so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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