Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
