I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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