What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
