On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
