wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
