Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
