Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
