i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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