I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
