The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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