I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
