Your face is a jimmy john
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
