You can't special order awesome
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She told me I should be a condom model.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
