Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
