Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Is it because I queefed?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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