I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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