Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
