Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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