Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
