His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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