If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
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Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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