She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
