Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
