I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
