On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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