I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake