Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
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So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
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Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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