I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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