The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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