I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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