so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
