So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize