maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
