Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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