I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
