apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
