I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
