Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
