In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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