Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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