You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
