Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
