I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
COCAINE IS GR8
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
