fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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