Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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