she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
