It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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